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Dear Enemy,
Many of you have written and asked me questions such as, "Mrs. Bails, why do you bark so loud when all I am doing is walking on Moseley Avenue or Woodlawn? You sure scare the heck out of me!"
To which I typically reply: "Serves you right! Whose street do you think this is anyway? Yours? Right! These are MY streets, and never forget it. Did you ask for my permission to pass on my street. Doubtless not, you dolt!" And certainly these streets do not belong to Jasper or Jackson either, those other pretender to the canine throne in the hood.
But, in my regal compassion, I have consented to make it a bit easier for you to pass without my customary terror. Simply fill out Bailey's EZ-Pass Form shown below in triplicate and mail it to me 3 months in advance of your planned trespass.
Believe me it doesn't get any easier than this!
Your excellency,
Bailey
Bailey's E-Z Pass Form Your name: __________________________________ Your pedigree: _______________________________ Planned date of tresspass: _____ /_____/_____
Approximate time of day: _______.
Reason for your intended tresspass (A tip to the wise: It had better be a good one. None of this "Had to deliver the mail" nonsense!): _______________________________
__________________________________________________________________.
Your single best reason why I should not and bark like a terror and threaten to bite your leg off: ____________________________________________________________.
Signed:__________________________ Date of signature: _____/_____/_____
Complete this form, make 3 photocopies and mail it 3 months in advance of your planned tresspass to: Bailey Ving Myrrh Gibley Binoche, Wooftown, PA 19000. I will grant you a valid permit via return post. Each permit is valid for only one visit and may not be used beyond the date specified.
An important footnote: Some of you ask, "Well how do i know you will be true to your word?"
The short answer: I'm a dog, dummy! I can do what I want!
Woof! Woof! Woof!